Your Fro-Yo is Showing

Yesterday I went to the mall with my friend R.

I will be heading off to San Francisco in early June and own exactly one sweater. Which will simply NOT due for 10 days. I thought I would see what I could find on the sale racks and off we went.

While shopping she asked me if I wanted to get some Frozen Yogurt. I am not really a fan of ice cream but I will get down on some fro-yo every now and again.

Not to be confused with FRO-NO!!

I haven't actually been to any frozen yogurt places in like 10 years so imagine my child-like enthusiasm when I saw all of this!!

So. Many. Options.

So. Many. Toppings.

Seriously? Seriously?

What have I been missing, you guys???? Are Z and I the only ones that haven't gotten the Fro-Yo Memo??

YUM!!

So I was a little overwhelmed but decided on Coconut Yogurt and went from there.

I was severely overwhelmed by the topping choices and R is a purest and chooses to eat her frozen yogurt plain.

I know, right?

So she was no help. (But I still luv her!) I chose graham cracker crust sprinkles and a hit of mini chocolate chips. 

Nothing too crazy.

But then I began thinking about all the options one could pile on top. Let's be real - the bowls they give you are huge and you know some people load that shit up!

I had this urge to stand at the cash register and take a bite of everyones dishes as they were paying.

But I'm not a fan of a thousand flavors at one time - so I would have to pass on every taste-test with the teenagers.

Yuck.

Double Yuck.

I think one's fro-yo says a lot about someone.

I would NEVER put candy and fruit together! Nor would I put anything gummy in there because it gets all cold and sticks to your teeth.

Z would probably put mostly all fruit in his  - pineapple, lychee and kiwis or some other combo and then put a sprinkling of gummy bears on top.  Blah.

I think my mom would just get a chocolate almond mocha frozen yogurt and sprinkle oreo on top. She's like me - a little crazy but not too crazy.

My G-ma would probably be like the above pictures - she'd be all in!! Cause she all sortsa cray cray! Just like my BFF! Al would put mini M &Ms, gummy bears, little pieces of cake and top that shit off with some sprinkles - which is why I love both of them so.

They should make fortune cookie sayings for frozen yogurt cups.

No toppings: You are a purest and have great self-control. Maybe you should loosen up, get a little crazy and throw some chocolate sauce on that bitch.

Some toppings: You know what you like and are very reliable. Maybe you should stop being a control-freak and think outside the box.

Most or All the toppings: You live life like it's your last day. Maybe you should grow up and not eat all that nasty shit in one sitting.

I'm totally kidding.  I LOVE my man and R and my G-ma and my BFF and DO NOT judge them on how they eat their Frozen Yogurt. 

Nor would I with you guys.

So I want to know your favorite combos. Cause I'm the "Some Toppings" and need to "Think Outside the Box". ;)  

Care to Share??

I's an Add-ult.

So there has been a lot of things happening lately.

A lot of things that have me feeling like an adult.

Yes - I know I am technically an adult but because we don't have kids (the thought still makes me wince a little) nor do we own a home (yeah - because house prices in Hawaii are Super De-Duper Affordable right now, er ever, er never) then there really are few things that make me feel like a real-life adult.

Like being married should make me feel like an adult but I've been with Z for almost 10 years - I can't even remember what it was like to not be half of our whole.

So marriage doesn't really count.

I do drive a nice-ish car. But it's not paid for by any means.

Ax that too.

I do love a glass of wine on a pretty regular basis.

True Dat.

This clearly makes me an adult.

Also I recently purchased these: they all scream ADULT! ADULT! YOU'RE OFFICIALLY AN ADULT! to me.

Le Creuset Lovin'!

I've wanted me some Le Creuset for a long time now. I would look at the Williams Sonoma catalog like a porn addict looks at Penthouse - dreaming to caress one of these babies, to get her all hot and eat from her...(Wait - too much? Sorry.)

Anyways, I got an email from my friends at Williams Sonoma about a Mother's Day Special where she was 40% off plus free shipping and I treated me to one - I figured I was a mom to Boyfriend and that counts, no? She's so pretty that I have been keeping her on the counter because I can't bare the thought of her in our danky cupboards with the rest of our riff raft pots and pans, not to mention cockroaches and spiders. No way -  not my precious girl!

My friend named her Le Creuset - I think we should name ours too. Maybe Precious. 

Or maybe not.

I've also purchased these items.

Real Leather, ya'll!!

Yes - this is my first REAL adult leather purse that I paid some bucks for. I'm not a Coach or Louis Vuitton kinda gal - but I feel like a grown-up with this purse. And the wallet. I usually just carry a fabric clutch with my ID and Debit Card thrown in (or better yet when I was in college and smoked cigarettes (ewe!) i used to just put my ID and cash in the cellophane wrapping of the cigi box - man I was classy!) but as I'm getting older I have business cards and Z's business cards and stamp cards and whatever that I need handy. Isn't this a sure sign of adult hood, you guys?

Which leads me to the ULTIMATE in adult-hood purchases........the mama jamma..... the creme de la creme.....nothing screams adult like this!!!

Ta Da!!

My very own laptop...... FOR WORK!!!! That's the adult part - that last part - FOR WORK!!!! I am now social-media-coordinating for 3 local businesses and it was a pain having my work photos in with our regular photos. Plus everyone always goes on and on about how great it is to work from home - and IT IS BUT it's also great to work from a coffee shop or outside (Which is where I am right now, in a bikini, getting my tan & blog on!) without those dirty dishes and laundry and un-walked Boyfriends staring at you in the face!

Plus - I will be off-island for 6 weeks (more on that later) so this way I can still work.....like a Grown-Up.....whilst away from home!! 

Random Facts VI

It's Random Fact Time again!!

To read random facts 1-10 click here

11-16 click here

17-23 click here

24-29 here

30-37 here

And if you still aren't tired of me - keep reading here!!

38.  I despise drinking hot drinks out of glass mugs. It irks me to no end when you go to a restaurant and they put my hot tea in a glass mug. I love to cup my free hand around the entirety of a well-shaped mug and ya just can't do that with glass.

I hate you.

39.  I seem to ALWAYS get the stove-top elements mixed up with their corresponding dials. There is something wrong with my brain. I turn the dial to Hi and the wrong burner turns on and I don't notice until it's all orange. WTF is my problem? I do it 75% of the time. I have stove-top dyslexia. There must be a real name for this.

40.  I once had this old Hawaiian lady ask me what I am. (This happens regularly - people want to know "what I am" (Ah - besides, awesome?) I told her I am mostly Native American. She stared at me and nodded really slow. Then she proceeds to tell me that Hawaiians and Native Americans are closer to God than anyone else.  

I was really worried.

41.  I refuse to say Namaste at the end of my yoga classes - it's not that I don't love my teachers or appreciate the light in them reflecting the light in me - it just feels forced to say it. Maybe I am not a real yogi then.  I will OM and chant tho!! Redeemable?

42.  My 2003 Jeep Liberty runs on biodisel. It smells like hamburgers. Whenever I get a whiff of it my mouth waters a little bit.

43. I often surprise myself on how well I can answer some questions when Jeopardy! is on TV.  I really do love useless information. I'm still not as good as my friend Cat - who is so good that she almost got us kicked out of a bar in college because of it! The joint had a free nachos and our buddy worked behind the bar. We would often go there for the free food and almost free drinks right around the time Jeopardy! was playing. Apparently the old geezer patrons were getting annoyed that she knew all the answers and was bitching to our friend about her and our friend had to ask us to leave or for her to shut up.  Haters.

44.  I remember rocking Star Wars sheets under my comforter decorated with hearts when I was growing up. I told Z this and he said he knew I was the perfect female!! Ha Ha!

A Whole New Me!

I haven't written since March 12th? DANG! I must have been busy!

Busy doing what you ask?

Busy losing 10 pounds!!!

Whoo - Hoo!!!!!!

Haha!

Except for - that's the thing - it's the ONLY thing that does the trick!

Z and I started a cleanse March 1 that lasted 14 days. Nothing too crazy - you still got to eat but you gotta eat clean! No bread, dairy, sugar & alcohol and limited meat.

Click here if you want to see all about it! I highly recommend it - it's kinda pricey but so are hospital bills down the road.... and name-brand jeans.....and iphones..... so whatever.

I mean - I know I'm not obese or anything but I could stand to lose a solid 10 and now I will lose those last pesky pounds!! 

I already feel so much better!

It's fun! Plus I am back to my hour and a half/ 3 times a week yoga practice!

Word.

Z even commented on how he can tell the difference when I practice yoga and when I don't. 

Shit's true.

And then on my non-yoga days I have been working out with my friend/neighbor rotating threw Jillian Michaels DVDs.

Oh Jillian. I'll see you again soon.

I've also been into this whole cooking thing.

Whaaaaa????

This was me.

I know!! We sorta had to revamp our cooking. I mean we don't eat that bad what's a meal without bread, cheese and wine? 

So far I've made: chicken veggie soup, coconut sweet potato stew, lamb ribs, vegan pesto, homemade bomb-ass salad dressing, turkey meat balls, kale chips etc.

SUPER FUN!!

I've been pouring over healthy cooking blogs and it's sorta like a whole new me!! 

Does anyone have a go-to healthy recipe they LOVE? Care to share??

GIrl Scout Dropout

So apparently it's the 100th Anniversary for the Girl Scouts of America this month.

And you know who was a Girl Scout?

Reese Witherspoon, Katie Couric, Dolly Parton, our old pal Martha Stewart, Taylor Swift

Fergie
She has a flat stomach and all those badges? Betch!

Dakota Fanning.
She has more movies than badges - fair enough.

Yours Truly!

Holla! 

Seriously! Look at that 4th grade photo - rocking the G.S. outfit and accessories like a bad-bang, dimple-sporting, cookie-selling bad-ass!!

Truth be told. I hated Girl Scouts. I was only in it because my BFF C.Z. was in it AND Girl Scouts is a cheap babysitter. (Thanks, mom!)

Besides me and C.Z. all the other girls were kinda nerdy.  (I'm sorry if one of you is reading this but it was 1988 - we are kinda nerdy.) But I remember watching them like,"WTF am I doing here? I hate these outfits, I hate saying the dumb Girl Scout honor with my hand all up in the air, I hate arts and crafts, I hate cooking.  I remember trying to like it and have an "open-mind" because my mom wanted me to but I'm not sure I tried very hard.

I think the only badges I had were sports badges. They weren't even sewn onto my G.S. vest - we taped them on for ceremonies! I'm not even kidding! Do you see any badges on my vest in that picture? Nope, but if you look really close you might see some double sided tape residue!

My mom worked 7 days a week! She did not have time to sew stupid badges on my stupid vest. And I never earned my sewing badge so......... that was that.

I'm sure my G-ma could have sewed some on but like I said, I never really gave a shit.

And when it came time for cookie selling, my mom just took that ordering sheet to all her jobs and BAM! Cookie -Selling Badge! Never to make it on the vest either!

Mmmmmmm...... Girl Scout Cookies.......

Samoas = My favorite! 

Not to be confused with a Samoan......

I'll take either one, thanks!!

I LOVE me some Girl Scout Cookies!! I haven't purchased any this year which is going swimmingly with my plan to lose a few pounds!

I'm not knocking the Girl Scouts and all their 3.2 million members. I am sure they teach real values and cooking and whatever.

I was just never a real big fan.

Avain Vehicular Manslaughter

So I was thinking a little bit about this little blog and decided to check out my little "stats" that Blogspot provides for us so we can see how many people have come to this page, from where, googling whatever random shit people google and they land on PLWV and from what country readers are from and so on and so on.

So far I've had 13,550+ hits. These hits are not to be confused with people actually reading my writing - more like googling a phrase and somehow ending up on my blog.

Lovely phrases such as: "Britney Spears feet" (WTF?) or "Gangster Girl" (Holla!) or the even better "Hot Mexican Gangster Girls" (Wait - if I'm not Mexican then am I not hot either? Shoot. )  "I ain't reading that shit" (Ha! I don't even know why they are on the Internet then?) "1982 baby pics" (Weird.) and the best one of all "I don't mean to sound slutty but use me whenever you want" (I was talking about Grammar, people!!)

These little phrases that are googled and then spits my blog out as an option are always worth a laugh.... thought I would share!!

You know what isn't funny though is that I killed a bird yesterday, a Hawaiian Red Crested Cardinal to be exact.

RIP. iSorry.

It was a Vehicular Homicide.... no it was Vehicular Manslaughter because I didn't mean to do it.  The little guy/gal just flew right into my car.

I called Z and cried.

I put it as my Facebook Status (because who doesn't like a little Avian Vehicular Manslaughter Update every now and then?) and got a few more comforting condolences - which I really did need. I am not a killer.  Remember?

And then my G-ma commented on my status (yes G-ma has a Facebook account, isn't she the cutest?) and asked if Z had buried it? lol! (yes she wrote lol, isn't she the cutest?) And it did make me laugh because the last time I had a Vehicular Manslaughter "Incident" I made Z bury the thing.

It was when we lived in Vermont - ahhhh.... Vermont and I had some run-ins with the animals. Remember?

So I was driving our bosses really nice Range Rover into town to get the oil changed or something super important like that. (Good thing I got that college education!)

Big Pimpin'

And the thing with a really nice car like this is that the suspension has like super ridiculous hydraulic whatchamacallits so when you drive over - say a pothole - you don't even feel it! Seriously - like when you go and sit in this thing it like hydraulically self-adjusts to your weight and shit. Crazy.

Anyways - so I am driving down our long ass dirt road to get on the highway to go into town and this little squirrel darts out in front of me. I scream and close my eyes but don't feel anything under the tires so I think he/she must have made it right? I proceed to drive into town and do whatever and then return home. I'm driving back up that dirt road and I see it squished on the road right when another car is driving towards me and then re-running it's little dead body over and 

I. Lose. My. Shit.

I run into the house and Z jumps up thinking I wrecked their $40,000+ car. When I catch my breath and explain what happens he gives me a hug and says he's sorry but it doesn't make me feel better. I feel like it shouldn't just be laying out on the road getting re-ran over and over and I ask him to go scrape it off the dirt and bury it.

And he does.

Best Husband of the Year 2004

Seriously.

He's the sweetest most sweetest.

Now maybe we should go back and find that little red bird........

This is How We Do It!

Oh Hi!

Remember me? Author of Pretty Little Word Vomit?

I KNOW! I know!


 I was slammed last month with work - we catered 5 events in 7 days and that shit is CRAZY amounts of work, yo. And we also had other events throughout the month.

I was tired. Too tired to do much of anything else. (Like writing.)

And when I work at nights I don't see Z at all except for when he is sleeping. (He was sick for like 3 weeks with a bad sinus infection/bronchitis and slept in the extra bedroom the whole time anyway b/c his coughing was so bad and I was tired and NEEDED sleep.) So I basically felt single the whole month of February. Not really - but no snuggling + tons of working + bad weather on the islands = tired and frustrated me.

And bad weather + weddings = moving shit around, wind knocking down chandeliers in outside tents, moving tables and chairs under lanais, setting up a 60 person wedding plus reception and then having the bride just say she didn't want to do it in windy weather and then us having to take it all down - WTF??

Our weddings we do would make Martha Stewart jizz herself. Seriously - she would be so proud!

Seriously. Martha. Jizzing.

That's our  work. Those are our pictures.

My really good friend L started working with us and after her first event she gets in my car and exclaims, "I thought you said this job was easy!" Ha! It's easy to pass out appetizers and 4 course meals - what isn't easy is the setup and take down!! I forget since I've been doing it for so long it's like auto pilot!

But it's seriously fun to put all the tables together and make them look P.I.M.P. People are always in a good mood because they're in Hawaii..... on vacation..... at a wedding...... with free booze and super yummy free food!

But it's a lot of work from those of us that put these fancy-pants, Martha Stewarty weddings/events together.

So there you have it - my reason for only writing 1 blog last month.

LAME.

Here's to a better writing month to me and you!

Fo Rizzles.